Having secondary infertility is like being in limbo - you just don't fit in anywhere, and no matter how you feel, people on either side may not understand.
One - I don't quite fit with my friends and family who have more than one child.
Most people think that if you can have one, you can have more. Obviously, the whole idea behind secondary infertility is that I am not finding much success in having a SECOND. Yes, I am still a parent just as they are, but many times I get the pity stare or the, "so, you just have the one then?" questions.
When it comes to my family, on both sides I have sister-in-laws who have three children. I feel like every time I am with my parents or in-laws, all conversations lead back to how difficult it is for them, what with their three kids and all. Yes, my life is SUPER EASY because I only have one child. I will never understand how hard it is to mother more than one, and I should feel lucky that I am not so tired, stressed, over worked, or (insert more adjectives here) as mothers of more than one child.
This is especially frustrating because I am not a mother of an only child by choice. So yes, please tell me how difficult it was/is for you to "just look at your husband and get pregnant," or how you "weren't even trying." I feel so sorry for you and how daunting it is with a house full of children as opposed to my one.
Two - I don't quite fit in with women who have never had a child, had a miscarriage, or are going through IVF.
When I am looking for support, these are typically the people I seek out. However, the fact that I do have one child makes me feel like I should not be complaining to those who have never had a successful pregnancy. These people probably think of me the same way I think of my sister-in-laws. They probably wonder how I can complain when I am at least lucky enough to have a child. They probably don't want to hear about trying to balance work, a child, and infertility. They probably think I will never understand them.
So, here I am...stuck in the middle. I feel so beyond blessed to have my 4 year old daughter. I cannot imagine never having experienced pregnancy , childbirth, or motherhood. Unfortunately, there are many days when I cannot imagine never experiencing it again. I feel as though I am not able to be completely happy, but I am not allowed to be completely sad.